Sunday, January 15, 2006

Russian Official Claims Condi's Problem is Lack of Sex


In a Pravada interview last Wednesday, Vladimir Zhirinovsky, the leader of Russia's Liberal and Democratic party, made the following statement in the wake of being lectured by Rice in relation to Russia's dispute with the Ukraine over gas supplies.

"Condoleezza Rice released a coarse anti-Russian statement. This is because she is a single woman who has no children. She has lost her reason because of her advanced single status. Nature takes it all [her reason].

"Such women are very rough. They are all workaholics, public workaholics. They can be happy only when they are discussed and written about everywhere: "Oh, Condoleezza, what a remarkable woman, what a charming Afro-American lady! How well she can play the piano and speak Russian! What a courageous, tough and strong female she is!

"This is the only way to satisfy her female needs. She derives pleasure from this. If she hasn't found a man by her side by her age, such a man will never appear. Even if she had an entire selection of men to choose from, she would remain single because her soul and heart have hardened. Like Napoleon, Genghis Khan, Tamerlane, or Alexander the Great of Macedon, Ms. Rice needs to fight and release tough public statements on a global scale. She needs to be on top of the world.

"Ms. Rice was always interested in Russia. Now she needs to prove that she actually has some insight into Russia. Her number one goal is to observe America's interest. If Russia rises, it means that the U.S. falls. Europe has united, China is growing rapidly and Russia possesses immense power in terms of energy resources. There is nothing the U.S. administration can do about it.

"The United States is experiencing a crisis of ideological and moral values. Americans talk about good family values, but the actual state of things is disastrous. That's why they need to protect themselves with such public personalities as Condoleezza Rice, who get pleasure from provoking political commotion.

"The civilized world needs to think about ensuring that single politicians are not allowed to stay in power. This was a common practice in the Soviet political system. The matter of international relations is very subtle and exquisite. A single word or phrase may play an extremely important role in politics. This is not the place where one can sublimate personal sexual problems.

"Complex-prone women are especially dangerous. They are like malicious mothers-in-law, women that evoke hatred and irritation with everyone. Everybody tries to part, as quickly as possible, with such women. But a mother-in-law is better than a single, childless political persona.

"This is really scary. Ms. Rice's personal complexes affect the entire field of international politics. This is an irritating to everyone, especially for the Eastern and the Islamic worlds. When they look at her, they go mad."

"Condoleezza Rice needs a company of soldiers. She needs to be taken to barracks where she could be satisfied. On the other hand, she can hardly be satisfied because of her age. This is a mental complex. She needs to return to her university and teach students. She could also use some psychological analysis.

"The true reason of Ms. Rice's attack on Russia is simple. Condoleezza Rice is a very cruel woman, offended by a lack of attention from men. Releasing such stupid remarks gives her the feeling of being fulfilled. This is the only way for her to attract men's attention," Vladimir Zhirinovsky said.

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